EPISODE #238 – Ill’n, Chill’n’ and a little bit of Jill’n’!

You see, when a triumvirate is absent a member it’s a sad day… almost as sad a Little Johnny, he’s never had a member!

So with Richard recovering from his unfortunate eye damage after a particularly heavy jilling session with “Goofy” Downer, Pete and Abe took the reigns.

This week saw further movement of the WBF HQ to the trendy Inner West suburb of Newtown. Every Sunday you will find Pete and Richard strolling lazily down King Street with a crisp paper bag filled with freshly baked croissants, a cafe late mochachino in a cardboard cup with one of those little plastic spouts in the other hand as the window shop in the trendy bookshop which is next to the trendy shoe shop, just across the road from the trendy afro-carribean vegan homewares framing and crystal emporium. And then, as Pete quietly slips away (Richard distracted by the latest paperclip desk accessory in the trendy not-really-sure-what-this-shop-is-for shop) to quietly purchase some truffle oil. And as you would have heard – it’s later that day that Pete uses this oil for another Sunday evening tradition; “Tooling off with Truffles”.

In quick succession we then slammed the new media whore Mischa Barton (who is apparently now for sale to the highest bidder), Brendan Nelson who’s always been for sale to the highest bidder, and Lindsay Lohan (who doesn’t charge!).

With the government now considering putting Australians in the army to learn skills for the modern world (like bayonetting, the correct use of grenades, and how to treat trench foot) we pondered the idea of utilising someone else to boost the army’s numbers… say, the Taliban. They’re out of work, have experience, don’t get drunk on duty or play with their guns. Maybe Hezbollah – they beat the Israelis! I mean who wants a bunch of uni students defending our country? You’ve seen schoolies! Do you really want a bunch of schoolies with assault rifles. Ironically if they were in the army they would probably be less likely to have access to one – since the army barely have enough equipment to go around anyway.

What would a show be without a report on the War to Terrorise?! Infact in the Uk, now the teachers are getting involved. Thought detention was bad for acting up? Now if you shit them, they’ll report you to the Homeland Security goons and you’ll find yourself in Abu Gharaib! The UK are using racial stereotyping to monitor any “middle eastern/ asian” people studying at universties in the fields of medicine or science. Well we say ‘No’! In fact if anything the people of more danger to Australia are the Prime Ministers. Those bushy eyed little ideologs. They don’t integrate, have their own personal army, they form enclaves, and are a drain on the economy… They’re Prime Heads!!! Send them packing.

We think we may have discovered why Australia is in drought – Malcolm Turnbull is in charge of Australia’s water! The man who lost the republican referendum… But Little Johnny has a plan. Let’s pay the rich farmers to stay farmers in an evironment that can’t actually sustain the crop that wasn’t ever meant to grow here. The government stands by farmers. But we demand value for money – Work For The Crop. We want to see value for our tax $$. With 90% of Australia’s water going to the farmers and the bush – what do the vast majority of Australia’s population get… part from the cast of Qantas ads, McLeods daughters and the National Party. Hold on… LET THEM BLEED!!!!

Okay, Richard will return next week – when i’m sure the burp quotient will increase!